An exposé* on the underestimated drama of being an au pair

*Double entendre intended. And again. ;)

Would I ever recommend being an au pair?

No. Unless under special circumstances.

Information disclosure: All opinions set forth in this topic are based on either personal experiences or first-hand accounts from au pairs in the general Geneva area of Switzerland and bordering France. They are not necessarily applicable to au pairs in other regions of France or Switzerland, nor anywhere else in the world. They are also not necessarily applicable to every individual au pair within the specified area, as variation is expected. The opinions are solely those of the au pair perspective, and not of the employers’. The standards set forth below are also based on a typical one-year contract, and other contract lengths have different implications both legally and personally.

          I can easily say that I had no idea what I was getting into when I came to France to be an au pair. And first, let me make the distinction between an au pair and a nanny. A nanny is a career position, full-time, and is often supported by childhood education and awarded with normal job benefits. An au pair is an exchange: part-time childcare for guidance in the language and culture of the host family. According to the rulebook, an au pair is a young student who lawfully works no more than 30 hours a week*, attends language classes, and is provided with a room in the house and food. What the rulebook doesn’t tell you, however, is how complicated even those basic guidelines can be, not to mention all the other subtleties of the job.

*The number of hours per week is variable according to the country. The general au pair contract guideline for France specifies it as 30, but a lot au pairs I knew actually worked on a basis of 20 hours per week. No matter the number, it is always specified in the individual contract between the family and the au pair, and the stated number is the lawful limit for that family, with respect for the overarching structure of France's basic rules.

Let’s start with some basic numbers (which I am inventing, based on all the au pairs I’ve known):

Likelihood that the au pair works no more than mandated hrs/wk: 50%
Fair wage for hours worked: 60%
Families that pay for the language classes: 90%
A room provided fulfilling basic privacy and study needs: 50%
Enough food for a normal diet available at any given time: 70%
Likelihood of proximity to/ability to easily travel to varied social activities: 60%
Likelihood of sexual embarrassment or harassment: 10%
Likelihood of genuinely feeling like a member of the family: 10%
Likelihood the family will help you with everything concerning paperwork, insurance, money handling, and contract specificities: 30%
Likelihood of depression and/or constant high-stress levels: 90%
Job Security: 30%

Hours and Wage: Most host families tend to be somewhat wealthy (in that they can afford an au pair in the first place), yet view the job of an au pair as menial or not a job at all. They often work au pairs easily 5 hours over the specified number, without extra pay, as they seem unaware of how much the au pair is really working. When overtime is acknowledged, it may be paid but not with the correct amount, or not at all. As for language classes, they are not technically required to be paid by the family. However, considering the cost of the courses and the general knowledge that students coming abroad are unable to pay such fees, it’s common knowledge that the family will cover the cost. But then again, some families are so “cheap” that they require the au pair to pay them, even though it goes against the status quo (and fair treatment, IMHO).

Lodging and Food: Surprising or not, some rooms are not adequate. They can be so close to the childrens’ rooms as to provide no serenity or privacy, and be unequipped with any type of working area for the student. In one case for me, my room was the coldest in the house, and I was very uncomfortable during the very long winter. And in that same room, the walls were so thin that I was asked to always keep my phone on silent because the normal-toned text alert was disturbing the mother. As for food, the families are often lazy about providing groceries; this means that if the family leaves for the weekend, they don’t necessarily think to stock the house with basic food for the au pair while they’re gone. (A weekly occurence in my first family was for the Wednesday nanny/maid to bring food to the house herself because there was never enough food to cook for all of us.) Or more commonly, that families will simply not call the au pair down for a meal at all, and the au pair goes without food completely until the family leaves the kitchen for the night, or just resides on snacks s/he has in their room, in order to avoid the awkward confrontation of being forgotten. (Really. One such meal of mine was two small applesauce pouches, a cupful of dried bananas, and some chocolate. For a friend, her family would frequently not have the concern to notice she was home on the weekends and therefore not provide food for her at all, so she slept off the hunger.)

Transportation: This is a subject particular to each au pair, but often overlooked. In Geneva, transportation availability is not generally a problem because of the public transportation system. However, for the au pairs on the outskirts of Geneva, one can suddenly feel as if the city is in an entirely different country because of the amount of time it takes to commute there. Oh, wait; it is! ;) Au pairs in France just over the border from Geneva (from where the only sources of amusement come), have to rely on buses that may come as infrequently as once an hour, stop running at midnight, and the stops may be spaced so far apart as to warrant a 10/15 minute walk to the nearest one. So, it becomes a problem to go out when it’s cold outside, the last bus leaves Geneva at midnight to get back home, and the ride in each direction can take as much as an hour from just the edge of Geneva. That’s a serious buzzkill if you’re not provided with a car, which is commonly not considered. And even if you are provided with a car, the gas cost can ruin your already measly paycheck.


For the continuation of this piece (including the ever-juicy section on sexual harassment), tune in tomorrow. See you soon, folks!